Not as It Sounds

First of all I want to say that I see nothing wrong with masturbation if done within proper parameters. I have been reading stories here for several years. I find most if not all extremely erotic and gets me quite hot. Especially the guy-guy stories.

I would read them and masturbate to the stories by fantasizing about them or making up my own. After awhile I started to think about how great it would be to have a jo buddy. I contemplated it and I finally hooked up with someone and met to jo together. I was so horny anticipating the meeting. I got there stripped down immediately with this huge erection. Knowing it was my first time the guy has taken aback at how forward I was. We jo watching porn. When I came, though the build up was unbelievable, it was in no way a good cum. I soon felt remorse and left.

I thought about it and said to myself it is just your upbringing, it is ok. All the stories of the guys having a great time and the 'best' orgasms ever must be true because there was just too many of them. Tried it again, same outcome.

Well maybe I was not getting into it enough. The guy wanted to jack me off and I had said no, I will let him do it next time. Again, same outcome. Maybe if I did him that would add to the excitement. No same result. No matter what I did and no matter how I tried to convince myself that it was ok and that it had to be so hot, it failed every time. They were not good cums, if I came at all, and I felt terrible afterwards.

Now I am not a prude, I enjoy masturbating and sex like most people but the step from reading a erotic story or watching a porn movie and living it is different. I know what I did was wrong. It is not religious, conservative, moral or any other type of view that has made me realize this. It is what is inside. Now, as I noted above, I convinced myself for a time that it was ok and would be great if I kept it up. Well I could only fool myself for awhile before the feelings ate me up.

I will continue to enjoy masturbation, as I do have a strong sex drive (usually twice a day). But I will avoid the stories and movies because it creates thoughts of what I am 'missing'. Which can only mess up your life and any relationships you have because it creates expectations that can't be achieved and motivates you to do acts that never would have crossed your mind otherwise. I especially tell this to the younger people who read this who have no experience and are drooling over sexual encounters that they read. You will be sorely disappointed and you can talk yourself into saying it is great but ultimately it is not.

Enjoy your sexuality and masturbation but avoid creating impossible expectations and doing acts you will regret your whole life. You can't undo it after it is done.

I hope this gets posted though it is not what you typically want. But I think it is important that you give time to those who disagree.

Peace