Learning How To Let Go

Though I had been having wet dreams since age ll, by the time I was 18 I couldn't make myself cum with my hand and it was making me really frustrated. From childhood on I'd played with my dick and had been amazed at the depth of feeling I got when I rolled my foreskin very slowly back over the engorged dickhead. I had early memories of looking down at my hard on as the skin thinned out over the emerging head and thinking 'Thank You God.' I remembered as a kid finding a vacant lot with high weeds where I could stand or kneel in the weeds and experiment with as many variations on the theme as I could think of, with no fear of observation, until I would feel waves of pleasure so great I thought I was flying.

I started having wet dreams when I was 11. I counted on having them because they were my only release. I practised what seemed like dozens of ways to experience dick sensations with my hand but I never came while I was manipulating my penis with my hand. I kept thinking how dumb do you have to be not to know how to jack off? There were a few times when I was so horny I had what seemed like waking wet dreams, where I'd get really hard and horny until I'd lose control and cum in my pants. Many times when I'd been fondling one of my girlfriends, or even just kissing her, I had gotten so charged up I'd cum big. But I couldn't cum by touching myself.

I read everything I could about masturbation but I didn't seem to get the hang of it. I needed help. So one day when I was driving out in the country with a friend I told him about it and asked him for advice. At first he didn't believe me. Then he tried to describe how he masturbated and it sounded like what I did. Finally I asked him to show me. This is a friend I liked a lot mind you, not anyone I felt sexually attracted to. We parked and went to an old hay barn that wasn't used any more. We were both hard by the time we got in there. When he took out his cock I could feel the charge in my balls and dick and thought for sure I'd cum pretty soon.

He was circumcised so tight he had no foreskin left at all but he told me he'd jacked off with a neighbor who was uncut so he could give me some pointers. My dick was about the same size as his, both hard and soft, but mine was thicker. I was so charged up sexually I wasn't sure I could breathe, and I tried to follow him stroke for stroke as he pointed his dick at me and jacked. He varied the rhythm and stroke length, and grunted and sighed, and I did everything he did. I accelerated right along with him. He came in a frenzy of fist movement and shot cum a few feet in front of him. He said it was one of the best jack off's of his life, but I was still standing there with a hard cock that was bobbing with expectation and demand.

We buttoned up our jeans and went out for a walk in the sun through an alfalfa field, and then down by a small creek. I thought maybe I wasn't gripping right, so I asked him to grip me the way he gripped himself and see if he could get me off. It took a lot to ask him, but he seemed anxious to oblige. We sat down by the creek and I shinned my pants down to mid thigh level and he reached over and took a hold of my dick. At first it felt better than I could ever have imagined. I was so hard there was no foreskin left, and then he started to stroke slow, but he gripped my cock too tight, and rubbed his hand over the surface instead of gliding, and my dick was so sensitive I thought I would scream - I think the skin was as sensitive as the inside of an eyelid. He got the hang of gripping at the base, fairly loosely and moving up so that shaft skin hit the ridge and head, and I thought for sure we had hit pay dirt. I got hold of his with my left hand (we were half reclining on the creek bank) and varied my grip, pressure and speed to what he told me, and I could tell I was getting to him. I felt amazing but he came again after just a few minutes, and though he took a couple of breaks, and I spelled him off stroking my hard dick, after about 30 minutes I still hadn't cum.

My family was all out of town so we actually worked on the project off and on for a few hours because we had the house to ourselves that night. The project was to make me cum. We brought hamburgers and milk shakes back to the house, and after we ate we stripped to our jockeys and no matter what else we did-talked, listened to music-we both just kept paying manual attention to our dicks. We tried verbalizing our fantasies. It was hot and I'd build up but that was it. I tried for a while in private. We tried to watch TV but we were too sexually buzzed to get into it.

At about 11 at night we were in the bed room getting ready to pile into the double bed we were going to share. Finally a light went on in my head. The key was understanding when to let go of the load. It was a mind thing, not a physical thing. I realized I'd felt unconsciously inhibited from letting go. I stood up beside the bed and said 'Hey look here. I think I got it,' and I slung my hips forward and cinched up my ass cheeks and got a full-fist, loose grip on my cock and built the momentum up in gradually accelerating lightly touching strokes. My buddy said 'Go for it' and stroked along on his. I realized that psychologically I was enjoying the sensation my hand gave me-the hardness of my dick-as much as I was the feelings coming through my dick and balls. Then I felt what I came to think of as an invitation to let go, so I did. I just surrendered to the feeling. The orgasm hit from way down deep and the first jet of cum blasted up and out of my dick and stuck to the wall about 6 inches below the ceiling. The second hit the top of the mirror on the dresser, and more seemed to go everywhere. And it felt like it was coming from some place under the floor and blowing right through me.

I've never looked back. I've had a lot of other sweet experiences since then but I still love to repeat that basic feeling of letting go to my own hand rhythm.