Feathers

I'm so glad I found your website because it makes me feel quite normal to know that my love of masturbation, and being masturbated, and having great orgasms isn't some kind of a perversion. Although you'd think I'd know that at my age of 37, and after masturbating since I was five or so. The difference is, although I touched myself as a child and liked the feeling, it wasn't until I was about seven that someone else touched me and stroked me until I actually had an orgasm.

Thinking about that, even though it was long ago, is still very erotic to me, as I see it now after years of sexual experience and masturbation. I know in my heart, now, that it was child molestation, but that was never how I thought of it. Or, how I think of now.

It happened only that one time. It was my friend's grandfather, of all things, and we all used to gather in their front yard to play. He had a huge peacock feather we all loved, and he used to rub it across our backs because it felt so good. I, particularly, loved the feeling and was always asking him to do it. I'd sit on the lower step with my shirt pulled up in the back, and he'd sit on the top step moving the feather back and forth for as long as we wanted. So, being an innocent, I told him that there was other place that felt good to touch, and I realize now that he edged me on with his gentle questions. I ended up telling him it was between my legs, at night, and I used all sorts of things to touch myself - my fingers, the corner of my blankets, a soft blouse, etc. He suggested his feather would feel good there, too, of course. This memory is now one of my favorites to masturbate to.

One summer at dusk we were all in their backyard and he'd been put in charge of looking after the 'kids' while our parents had gone somewhere together. We were just sitting around, and I asked him to tickle my back with his feather. That day I had on a dress, and when my friends wandered off somewhere, he asked if I wanted to feel the feather between my legs, and I instantly agreed to it. I pulled up my dress and he suggested I lay down facing him, with my wide-open legs wrapped around his kneeling knees. It's amazing that I can remember this so clearly, even today, and that I don't remember any feelings of doing something wrong. But then, going over and over it as I gently stroke my own thighs and pussy have probably carved it into my memory.

He said it would feel better if I took off my panties, which I did. I can remember him watching me as it began to feel really good, and I asked him not to look at my face, so he just stared between my legs. He made that feather do wonderful things, moving it slowly, then very fast, then placing the large end of the quill right against my little clit and vibrating it until I thought I'd exploded and couldn't stop jerking my hips around. I made him do it for a very long time. Miraculously, no one caught us, and it never happened again. Although, he'd often ask me if I could now make myself feel the same way at night, and I assured him I could. And, did! I'd learned how to have an orgasm and couldn't seem to stop having them! I even asked him if he'd do that to me again, and said maybe, but he never did. My orgasm certainly weren't intense, but there did seem to be a 'peak' to my rubbing myself.

Finally, I got so good at bringing myself to somewhat of an orgasm that I went wild and began masturbating in all sorts of public places, not openly, of course, quite secretly. One favorite place was in a movie theater. I was about ten or eleven and I'd go with friends to a movie, then I'd move away from them and sit alone - usually close to the back. I'd lift one leg and put my foot up on the seat, and reach around the side of my leg so I could rub my fingers up and down my slit through my panties - or underneath the crotch. I stopped that when I noticed a man a few seats away watching me from the side of my raised leg where he could see everything. It was the very first time I ever saw a real, live, penis because he was stroking himself watching me and he moved his hand up and down very fast and came right in front of me. I saw it all, and stared, open-mouthed. I got very scared. He moved next to me and said he'd do the same for me, but I got up and ran.

My life progressed and so did my masturbation. For a long time I had to share a bedroom with my brother who was five years younger than me. I'd wait until he was asleep in his bed then I'd 'tickle' myself until I 'burst'. Then - my mother caught me. She'd opened my door very quietly to check on us, and there I was, spread wide, covers down, nightgown up, rubbing my pussy with my stuffed bear! Unfortunately, she stood quietly watching me until I came. Then, she spoke and scared me to death, and told me never to do that again. Which, of course, had NO effect upon my masturbation habits.

As life progressed, I dated, went steady, got engaged, married, divorced, and the same thing over again three times. Sex has never been a problem area in any of my relationships because I love it. Thanks in great part to my love of masturbation. It's played a major role in making me very mature, sexually, and in becoming very familiar with my own body and how I feel when I'm touched. I've always been able to say or show someone just what I'd like, and it's always worked. It's encouraged them to be open with me about their masturbatory preferences, too. In fact, if it weren't for masturbation I'm certain I wouldn't be as knowledgeable or experienced about my own body as I am today. I've rarely ever used a vibrator because I was afraid I'd become addicted to one and not be able to use my hand, then.

Not to sound like a slut or anything, but mutual masturbation can be very satisfying with a partner if you don't want to actually have sex with penetration and risk pregnancy or disease. Just having your partner masturbate you using their creativity, has been wonderful in giving me even more ideas for my own masturbation, alone.

I've done a few things in my life of which I'm not particularly proud, but fantasizing about the few times I've been 'naughty' to an elderly man, and masturbated myself in front of him while I pretended he wasn't watching, was among the most exciting. I discovered I have a deep exhibitionist thing inside that absolutely makes me have an explosive orgasm. I did this to an old landlord who found every reason to come to my apartment to fix things. I finally gave him what he wanted, wearing a slinky nightie and laying across my bed masturbating while he watched me.

I did something similar in a friend's home when her husband kept coming on to me and I explained that I would never let him touch me since she was my friend. I figured out a way, however. He came into my room in the middle of the night, and without any words between us at all, he sat on the side of the bed, while I uncovered and proceeded to masturbate by every available means right in front of him, not allowing him to touch me. A few orgasms later, he was ready to burst, so I went down on him, and sent him back to his room. Not very nice, I know. But enormously sexually satisfying to both of us while never touching me. And, providing a wonderful memory for masturbation.

My experience with a professional masseuse, however, has become almost my favorite sexual experience to remember while I masturbate, I can't seem to ever make myself feel the same or bring about the same intensive orgasm I had during the actual experience. I'd asked for and paid for a 'complete' massage, which, at this facility, meant 'the works'. I had no idea! The masseuse was very good and gentle (I hate hard massages unless they're sexual in nature) and I could not believe it when she actually uncovered my breasts and began gently stroking my nipples, which immediately responded by becoming very hard and erect. Then, she did my entire chest, and I was afraid to move. I was very relaxed and was becoming excited, but knew I could control myself. Until she began massaging my stomach and mound over my genitals. When she did my legs, her touch got very soft and she was circling around my thighs just letting her fingertips and hand touch between my legs. She slid her hands back and forth along the creases of my legs, then used both hands, and actually pulled open my vaginal lips and began massaging my pussy - or rather, all around it. I was a goner. When her fingers actually touched the hood of my clit in a soft rhythmic motion, my orgasm came in one huge, intense first spasm and my hips shot straight up in the air, No way to hide it if I could have done so. She was ready and pressed down and rubbed me harder and harder and kept me coming, and she rode each wave of my orgasm with me, making each one more intense. This lady really knew what she was doing! Afterwards, as I tried to catch my breath, I asked her why she'd done that, and she replied that I'd requested it!!!! We live and we learn!

I love to relive my sexual experiences while I masturbate. I believe my favorite turn ones are the hand held shower massage that I've now learned at least four ways of making myself come. My favorite being standing up and holding it about two inches away from my clit, pointing down, and parting my pussy lips with one hand - then, moving the shower back and forth up and down my whole slit. Each time it comes back to my clit it's very intense. I can tease myself up to coming over and over again, but when I want to come, I sit down and direct the hard spray directly on my clit and move the force all around my clit very fast, and up and down. It brings a wonderful orgasm and I can keep my orgasm coming with the steady pressure. I've almost passed out because the showerhead stays steady and can keep making you come. I really need to 'recover' afterwards, though, as I'm usually gasping my heartbeats so hard, that's usually the reason I stop.

I also love a long, gentle, masturbation. A nice bath, great music, and watching a very good porn video, makes me so ready that it's difficult to try to prolong it. I've also used some rather amazing items to make myself come, or so make it seem as if I'm not touching myself and someone else is doing it. I've used a turkey baster, using Astroglide on the rubber bulb and using that to rub all over my pussy. These are also the times that I remember the masseuse experience.

During a gynecological exam I was startled to feel the doctor begin to stroke my entire genital area with his moistened latex fingers. He even went around my clit a few times and back over it, while he examined me. He explained, a few moments after he'd started, that he was examining the outside, as he spread open my lips and continued to run his fingertips all over me, very gently. In a few moments he increased his pressure as he slid his finger inside and felt around, and I felt that he purposely hit my 'G' spot, because I jumped. He pulled out his hand, and gently rubbed the outside again, then using a great deal of pressure, for only a few seconds, right on my clit as he manipulated it back and forth. He was saying something this whole time, but I'll be darned if I know what it was.

That man had stroked me into a wonderful state and I knew by the feeling that my clit was standing up - and, that he knew it, too. Naturally, nothing further happened and he was the picture of professionalism as he did the exam. BUT - here was a new fantasy! I bought very thin latex gloves, like he used, and used Astroglide and stroke my clit for only a few minutes before I had an explosive orgasm! I masturbated with that fantasy for the next few weeks, at least twice a day, and had some of the very best orgasms I'd ever had.

I love the feeling of repeat pressure and stroking over the top of my clit. No matter what source the pressure may be. I was once standing against the back of a regular office chair and the person sitting in the chair was rocking it back and forth. I was leaning forward to help them, and found the edge of the chair pushed right into my crotch, pushing right up against my lips on top of my clit. As she rocked back and forth I pressed in further and almost had an orgasm, but pulled back just in time. Another time I was leaning against a large piece of machinery that was hitting and drilling holes into large stacks of papers. Each time it would hit a new stack of paper, it pulled up and down several times very quickly to drill deeper into the papers, and the corner of the machine was pressing against my crotch. I began to get very turned on with no sexual thoughts, whatsoever, and came to the fastest orgasm ever - without even trying to! I was not alone then, and couldn't show any sign at all that I'd just had a wonderful orgasm.

Needless to say, I love to masturbate by any means that bring about a reaction. I can do it with lots of pressure hard and fast ...... or, slowly and gently. I think it's the years of experience that have taught me to be varied and do just what my libido happens to need. I also masturbate frequently before going on a date so that I'm not tempted during the date. Sort of like eating before you go out to dinner. ;-)

I've really appreciated the opportunity to share such private thoughts and feelings. It's the very first time I've ever put to paper my childhood experiences, too. I believe I'm an intensely tactile person who reacts strongly to the touch, and that has a lot to do with my love of orgasms and masturbation. I'd love to know what others think, too. (I just reread this and I'm shocked it's so long. I'm very sorry.)