Masturbating With God

It made me a little uncomfortable as a girl. I could feel the spirits and God watching me when I rubbed myself with my hands or put a pillow between my legs. I didn't really think I was doing anything wrong, not really, but I couldn't be sure.

I've gone through periods of my life when I have masturbated a lot and then months and months could go by when I didn't at all. I was married for four years to someone I consider a great soulmate. Our marriage taught me about love but it was a sexless union and, I believe, meant to be that way. I masturbated a great deal during my marriage and when it was time, I ended the relationship and liberated myself. I was able to freely and openly embrace my sexual needs, encourage others with their sexuality and look forward to being with someone else.

My interest in masturbating tailed off after I became single again. Friends expected me to go on a massive shag-fest, but I didn't. I was single for two years and the heat in my body just grew and grew and while some very attractive men came along and approached me, I wasn't interested. I couldn't figure it out. I had never wanted to fuck so much in my life and yet my body didn't want these men. I started orgasming in my sleep and I knew I needed to masturbate to relieve the sexual tension but, for some reason, I didn't want to do that either.

Meanwhile, the kundalini energy grew.

I heard God's voice in the summer of 2004. The overwhelming experience lasted three days and a lot of our conversation was about sex.

I remember being at a friend's house on Day 3 and needing to take a nap as I was so tired and wired after not sleeping for three days. I was lying on one of their children's beds at the top of the house. God's voice started in my head asking me to take my clothes off. I hesitated. 'Do it. Now. Masturbate with me. I want to see you open your legs right here, right now.' As I quickly stripped my yoga bottoms off and spread my legs open on the bed, I felt a finger exploring my vagina. It made me gasp. More fingers were gently rubbing my lips, my clitoris was buzzing and tingling and being stimulated by someone else. It was incredible and I starting letting out low moans of deep pleasure.

'Touch yourself with me. Isn't that good? Don't you feel sexy? I wish you could see how erotic and beautiful you look right now.'

I felt like I was being taken to this place of raw sexuality. I was so wet; lying there, rolling on the bed with my fingers drenched in my own juice, my pussy throbbing and pulsing. The scent from my vagina was making the air in the room thick and sweet. I felt on fire; submitting willingly and gladly to this feeling, this animal lust, as orgasm after orgasm shuddered through me leaving me breathless.

To anyone watching, I would have seemed gripped by a kind of madness or insanity and, in that moment, I didn't care.

The door was open and there were people downstairs well within earshot. I was naked in the room masturbating with God.