Miss Seeing Myself Cum

After having my prostate removed because of cancer, I no longer can shoot a genuine load of semen, I miss that, I used to love watching myself cum and see the creamy white, thick load fly out of my hard throbbing penis when I would cum when jacking off. I have not seen this now for more than ten years and am seriously considered going to a J/O club just so I can stroke another man's penis and make him cum just so I can see it. Now I am straight, well I did get one M/M blow job many years ago and marvelled at the guy deep throating my 7 1/2 inches right down to the hair, three times in a row. But I have never really had any gay desires at any time. But now I really would enjoy seeing a big load shoot out and see a real male orgasm just one more time just to bring back the old experience. Anyone else have a similar thought?