Masturbation is Complex
This is in response to Robert's post about why his girlfriend is shy about masturbation. First, Robert, I suggest you take a deep breath. You are having hot sex with a woman you love, and she is obviously open to you. It's natural to be a little shy about masturbation, which is because it's so deeply rooted in what I call our primary sexual wounding.
Masturbation is usually the first sexual feeling we experience, and there often is so much anxiety and fear around it in our early environments that we beign to form associations between masturbation and various forms of guilt and shame. This is not inherently our own stuff! It belongs to the culture, to religion, to our parents, and other caregivers. Now, that's a psychological statement -- it offers insight but not necessarily trust. And I don't know what happened to your partner. But I know she is willing to be open.
So the best thing you can offer her is what she wants and what she is willing to receive, and just enjoy yourself. And she will grow and change and feel and maybe open this most precious and sacred and perhaps scary aspect of her erotic nature to you. I suggest you just stay open and offer her your care and feed her good food and never shame her, and if you do, apologize kindly.
One reason you want to be gentle about this is it may -- not necessarily, but may -- cover something deeper that she's not ready to come out with. So the best thing you can do is to let her know you respect her feelings. No need to say much, just fill your heart with reverence for her and honor her reluctance, fear, or whatever it may be that she is feeling.
Remember that most people have a profound need to be seen and acknowledged masturbating. But there can be a lot in the way. So all you can really do is allow love and healing to melt away those obstructions. Keep licking your sweet woman and tell her you love her and she'll share with you all that she feels safe sharing, and it sounds like she's really generous.
This article may offer you some insights into how complex masturbation is:
http://www.sexuality.org/l/ericfrancis/theothersex.html
Blessings to you.
Masturbation is usually the first sexual feeling we experience, and there often is so much anxiety and fear around it in our early environments that we beign to form associations between masturbation and various forms of guilt and shame. This is not inherently our own stuff! It belongs to the culture, to religion, to our parents, and other caregivers. Now, that's a psychological statement -- it offers insight but not necessarily trust. And I don't know what happened to your partner. But I know she is willing to be open.
So the best thing you can offer her is what she wants and what she is willing to receive, and just enjoy yourself. And she will grow and change and feel and maybe open this most precious and sacred and perhaps scary aspect of her erotic nature to you. I suggest you just stay open and offer her your care and feed her good food and never shame her, and if you do, apologize kindly.
One reason you want to be gentle about this is it may -- not necessarily, but may -- cover something deeper that she's not ready to come out with. So the best thing you can do is to let her know you respect her feelings. No need to say much, just fill your heart with reverence for her and honor her reluctance, fear, or whatever it may be that she is feeling.
Remember that most people have a profound need to be seen and acknowledged masturbating. But there can be a lot in the way. So all you can really do is allow love and healing to melt away those obstructions. Keep licking your sweet woman and tell her you love her and she'll share with you all that she feels safe sharing, and it sounds like she's really generous.
This article may offer you some insights into how complex masturbation is:
http://www.sexuality.org/l/ericfrancis/theothersex.html
Blessings to you.
Posted on: 2003-02-06 00:00:00 |
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