Disabled

I am a 52 year old widow and a friend introduced me to this site. My husband, who was 10 years older than me, died three years ago of a heart attack. We had an adequate sex life. I was never overly sexed and neither was he, so we were both satisfied. Just lately I have become very frustrated and masturbate quite frequently, which I never did even when I was young. I confided this to my friend so hence my frequent visits to your site. I love reading the stories so I thought I might add mine.

My first contact with an adult penis was when I was 16 and still at school. I used to help my auntie look after her badly disabled son, my first cousin, who was 17 at the time.

At first all I did was take him out for walks and help feed him, but my auntie fell and injured her hip, so I started doing more. This started out by me taking him to the bathroom and cleaning him up afterwards. This gave me my first view of a penis and although he was disabled he was very big and thick down there.

Then I started to bath him on my aunties' request and at first she stayed in the room with us, but as I got more capable she left us to it. One day when I went round to help she said she had an hospital appointment and would I bath him while she was out. I got him in the bath as usual, but I got splashed and soaked, so I took off my blouse and skirt. I hung them up to dry, not thinking of the consequences of my action. My panties were also wet and you could see my pubic hair straight through them. When I came to wash him between his legs he had a massive and I mean massive, erection. I was shocked and did not really know what to do but he started to grunt and making thrusting movements with his hips.

I was naive but not that naïve, as not to know what he wanted. Without really thinking of my actions I soaped up his penis and started to stroke him. He made a lot of grunting noises and then let out a quite frightening moan, as he shot his semen about five feet and then shot five or six more shorter streams. I was mesmerised. I then suddenly realised what I had done and began to get frightened about what my auntie might say, so I finished bathing him quickly, got dressed and waited for her to come home.

She came in and asked me if everything was okay and I started to cry. She asked me what the matter was, so I told her and she started to laugh. She said she had seen semen stains on his sheets and thought he must be having wet dreams, but did not know what else to do to help him. She as his mother could not do that she said, but was very grateful that I had. She asked if I would please continue to do so and I agreed on the condition that she never told anyone else, which she never did.

I did this for two more years until I left home and moved from the area. It did actually teach me about the workings of the penis and my first boyfriend certainly got the benefit of my experience.

I tell this story really to share my 'guilt' because thinking of those times are my main fantasies when masturbating now.

Am I really weird and perverted for this? I would welcome your comments.