The Discovery

I was eleven or twelve, I think, when I became friends with, (let's call her Paula). I didn't have many friends at school, but one day as I was walking round the playground, Paula fell in step with me and we got chatting.

It was a strange friendship. We used to sit in her room and listen to records, talk about boys, or go out on the common and play army games. It was that hazy area between being a child and being a teenager, and we weren't sure where we fitted in.

One day, I remember sitting in her room sniggering at a 'facts of life' book when she turned to me and said 'Do you know what sex feels like?' 'No!' I replied, a little shocked (we were twelve!)'Why, do you?'

Paula flicked through the book until she came upon a page about masturbation. She showed it to me. 'You do what it says here, and that's nice, but try it while reading one of the sex bits in a romance novel, and THAT's like sex!'

We didn't try it out there and then, in fact I remember us stealing one of her mum's romance novels and acting out the sex scenes with teddybears, shrieking with laughter.

But that night I scoured my mum's bookshelf and discovered a likely looking title. Flicking through it I soon discovered a passage in which the manly hero seduced the innocent sylph in the stables. I went to bed, read the passage and slipped my hand into my pants. I reckoned this thing must be the hood of my clitoris so I started to rub with my middle finger. Sure enough I was rewarded with a sensation I hadn't felt before, like a deep sort of tickling. Holding the book in my other hand I rubbed harder, faster and began to read the passage again. I closed my eyes and I was there, in the stable, fumbling with blouse buttons, moaning with delight, clasping the eager young virgin to me and... wait. I'd gone wrong somewhere. I was imagining myself as the man. I started again, this time imagining the heroes breath and lips on my neck, his hand carressing my breast from behind, his strong arms holding me...but again, as I reached my first climax, it was the girl I was holding, her lips I was kissing, her body I was touching.

I never thought anything of it though. It was years before I realised I was a lesbian.

But then, you're sort of stupid when you're twelve.